Diplyfans

John, who lived in the north of England ,  decided to go golfing in  Scotland   with his buddy Shawn ,   so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.   After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible     downpour so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.   "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry." John said.  "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared so they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of golf. But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an att...

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God.  He thought, "I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension check." "Next Sunday is Easter, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.  Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with." "I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?" The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars.  By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her.  The rest of the d...

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the per...

The FBI had an open position for an assassin.  After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents.  For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious.  I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.  Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.  The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.' Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kil...

A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn't know which one to marry.. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it. The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover.  She told him, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second went shopping and bought the man new golf clubs, an iPad and an 80-inch flatscreen TV.  She said, "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much." The third woman took the $5,000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned $5,000 to the man and re-invested the rest.  She said, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of his girlfriends had spent the money, and then he decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.